Seoul – The Place I Couldn’t Call Home
chasing a dream
When I imagined studying abroad, I pictured adventure, new friendships, and a second home far away from my first one. Everyone told me my semester abroad is going to be the best time of my life. Little did I know how hard it would be to find belonging in a place where everything is so different and so far from all I knew. I thought home is something I could build everywhere, but in Seoul, I just couldn’t find my place. I hope my story can give comfort to those who also struggle to fit in while being far from home.
Back in February when I arrived in Seoul, after a long flight and a lot of tears from saying goodbye to my loved ones, I immediately felt out of place. The feeling of being different and foreign was something that never really left me, even after the four month I spent in Korea.
struggeling to fit in
Barely speaking Korean and Koreans usually not speaking English has denied me a big part of socializing. For example, not being able to understand nor answer the cashiers’ questions when checking out was not only frustrating, but also awkward and embarrassing. This difficulty in everyday interactions left me with a strong feeling of foreignness and somewhat isolation. Additionally, I struggled with being a vegetarian in a country that mostly serves meat. It often prevented me from joining social meals and experiencing a big part of Korean culture. Due to the language barrier, I couldn’t really communicate my needs to the waiters or the chef, twice I even ended up with meat in my meals. In the end I was cooking at home, missing out on many opportunities to connect with other students and locals.
a meal that ended up containing meat
what most meals look like
Besides everything, I also met people and went out with my new friends but no matter what, I never really felt like I belonged. Don’t get me wrong, I did have fun sometimes, but I just missed home so much. The people, the routines, the little things that made life familiar. Everywhere I went, I felt a bit out of place, like I didn’t fit in no matter how hard I tried. That made me feel lonely in a way I hadn’t experienced before. I spent a lot of time alone trying to cope with all my emotions and the challenging life in Seoul. To be quite frankly I also simply didn’t have enough energy to put myself out there and socialize more often.
letting go
It made me doubt myself. Because why couldn’t I have the time I imagined and that everyone else seemed to have? I felt very misunderstood, as if no one around me could really see or understand how hard it was for me. It was exhausting to constantly try to fit in, to push myself to participate, and yet still feel disconnected. It was hard to accept that my semester had turned out so differently from what I wanted it to be. But as time went on, I stopped trying to turn it into something it wasn’t. I learned to live with it. Not because things got easier, but because I realized they wouldn’t. I let go of the idea that this had to be the best time of my life and started accepting it for what it really was.
MOVING ON
I did not find a second home in Seoul, not even close. My semester was extremely challenging and still affects me in ways but looking back I find value in my experience. I think I had to be so far from everything familiar to really get close to myself. I got to meet a new version of myself, and even though it took a lot to get there I wouldn’t want to change that. Somewhere along the way, I realized that missing home didn’t make me weak. It just meant I had something real to miss. Coming home was such a warm feeling and ever since I came back, I have been doing better than before and finally get to appreciate everything I already have. I now know where I belong and where I truly feel at home.
I’m grateful that I had the courage to go to Korea, even if it wasn’t what I had hoped for. Still, I gained so much. I grew in ways I never expected, pushed myself beyond limits I didn’t know I had, and learned more about who I truly am.
I wish someone told me before that you don’t need to have the best time of your life to find something meaningful. I am not sharing my journey to discourage you, rather I want to share a real experience, without the romanticization of living abroad. It will be hard at times, but there is always value in being brave and choosing to leave home and grow. You are not alone, even if being abroad sometimes makes you feel that way.