Lost in Italy, Found in Myself
When one door closed in Italy, America opened a better one.
THE START OF A NEW BEGINNING
The moment I sat on the train to the airport, I felt a strange mix of excitement and fear. My notebook lay open on my lap, pen in hand and I wrote down a single, almost desperate goal: to authentically find myself again. My planned semester abroad in Italy had collapsed in a way I could never have imagined. I knew I needed a fresh start and something to be proud of again.
THE WEIGHT I CARRIED HOME
Perugia, Italy. The city where I was supposed to spend a magical period of my life became my personal nightmare. Miscommunication between universities left me without a place to sleep, stranded and anxious. I sent hundreds of emails asking for help and received nothing in return except the crushing feeling of helplessness. Not one single response. I carried that helplessness back to Germany. It felt like a weight on my chest, one that constantly reminded me of my embarrassing failure. I wanted to rise again. I wanted to reclaim control. I wanted to grow beyond the disappointment but I did not know where to start. Not Italy, that was certain.
THE SPARK THAT LIT THE WAY
Then, a tiny spark of hope appeared when I applied for the summer school program at the University of Maryland in the USA. I applied with shaky hands, convinced I would not get the chance to prove myself again. I had to read the acceptance email more than ten times before I could believe what I had just accomplished. At the same time, so many questions flooded my head. Could I risk another disappointment? Could I really start again? The answer was yes. I said yes. And now, I sat on that train, heart pounding, staring out the window as the scenery blurred into possibility.
PAINFULLY FALLING FORWARD
The first meeting with my scholarship group at the airport was contagious. Laughter and curiosity filled the air on our way to America. But reality does not wait. On the very first day in the United States during our campus discovery tour, I slipped down a fire pole and badly twisted my ankle. I forced a smile and pushed through the pain, hoping no one noticed. But once I was alone, tears streamed down my face. My carefully imagined new beginning had collapsed and was replaced by nothing but frustration.
WHEN KINDNESS KNOCKED
Somewhere between the pain and the laughter, something shifted.
I stopped trying to rebuild the old facade of myself and started meeting the new one.
A FAMILY MADE OF STRANGERS
Even with a sprain that would have kept me in bed at home for days, I refused to miss out. Lectures, football games, playing tourists, fast food runs, late night game nights, each day became a small adventure. We debated, laughed, challenged each other’s perspectives and formed a bond that felt like family. Differences were celebrated, not merely tolerated. For the first time in months, I felt truly like myself without being judged.
FROM LONELY TO LOVED
During that one month, my birthday arrived, bringing waves of homesickness with it. Everything on my special day seemed to go wrong, the heat, the endless rain and the plans that seemed to fall apart. And yet, my group stayed. They celebrated with me at an arcade, then we made s’mores over a fire pit and later I returned to my hotel room to find flowers and a handwritten card from them. That moment turned home sickness into belonging. I was exactly where I needed to be.
THE SELF I FOUGHT TO FIND
The final weeks passed in a blur of laughter, learning and unrestrained curiosity. Leaving the US was bittersweet. I was eager to see my family, yet leaving my newfound family was painful. Their warmth and acceptance had guided me back to myself and helped me to embrace my authenticity.
I found strength I did not know I had, discovered where I truly belongnand learned to trust myself. Returning to Germany, I carry these lessons with me, ready to let them shape both my present and my future. One month in the US was not just a summer school program, it was a journey back to myself. My foot may still be healing, but I have fully realized the goal I wrote on that train to the airport, and I could not be prouder of this achievement.